This post has been on my heart all week and I've been trying to figure out exactly how to put into words all that the Lord has taught me this week. This week has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Those of you who know us or read this blog regularly know, that this process has been moving SLOW over the past few months. We were hopeful that things would speed up at the beginning of the year, but from the looks of things, the opposite is happening. It has to do with the US Embassy in ET and the additional paperwork and interviews they are now requiring once families have already passed court, which also makes it hard for our agency to take in babies b/c they are careful to only bring in babies who have their paperwork in order, thus a slowdown in referrals b/c not many babies have all the necessary paperwork, and a slowdown in the process in general due to all the extra requirements. There are more things involved, but these are the basics of what's going on right now. We were asked about 10 times at church yesterday how the process was going, and the only thing I can say is, slow. It's hard to really explain or know what people are looking for in these 5 minute interactions, so, slow is what I've been sticking with. This week has been one of the most discouraging and yet uplifting weeks we have had in this entire process. People are really just starting to see the implications of this slow down, and what that means for those of us on the higher end of the list. Some are saying we could be waiting for years now, others have said they could shut the whole thing down entirely, and all these things together with the fact that several friends have just had babies and others are getting pregnant, makes for one discouraging week when all I'm longing to do is see our baby's face. Yes, I know I've blogged many times about all of this happening in God's timing and how His timing is best, but on weeks like this, it's just hard to preach that to yourself for the millionth time in the past 15 months. Just being real here, and yes, I did just say 15 months, that's how long we've been in this process. When we started this process the wait time was 9-12 months and we thought we would have had a baby by this point, but now the wait has jumped to 18-24 months, if we're lucky. I've really struggled with all of this this week, questioning God, wondering if we should switch programs, things like that. Really just doubting. Now, I don't say all of this to be a downer, I'm just being real and documenting all I've been dealing with this week so you can see how awesome our Father is.
So, Wednesday of this week was probably the lowest point. I knew that I needed to get in the Word, but my heart just wasn't in it at that point. But I did it anyway, and y'all God just spoke straight to my heart! I've been doing Beth Moore's study on James and that day was talking about asking for wisdom. How when we ask for wisdom, God will give it to us, with no judgement(James 1:5). The catch is, "
But let him ask in faith, with no doubting for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind" James 1:6. I started praying that this would not be me, even though in that moment it was. In my mind, I knew God was faithful, and I knew He had called us to this, but I was still doubting. Then, we read in Matthew where we are told to ask and it will be given to us, seek and we will find. And it hit me, I haven't been asking. I'm confessing that I had settled into this complacency of thinking that things were out of my hands, that this wait was going to be long, and there was nothing I could do about it, so I hadn't been praying. I hadn't been asking God to show himself mighty and show us our baby this year. But the real kicker was at the end of the lesson, we ended up in 1 Kings 18, verse 21 "
And Elijah came near to all the people and said "how long will you go limping between two different opinions? If the Lord is God, follow Him; but if Baal, then follow him." Seriously?? This was God giving me exactly what I needed in that very moment, and I don't know if it's ever been that clear before. Do I believe God is God? Yes!! Then I need to follow Him, trust Him, know that He has seen the end of this adoption before it even began! I was so thankful for such a specific word from the Lord. It was exactly what I needed to keep moving forward. I don't need to listen to what the world says, but what God says. So we have decided that we are boldly and specifically praying for a referral by the end of the year. We know that nothing is impossible for our God, and He can do it. He can show us our baby's face by the end of the year and we are believing Him for that!
Fast forward to this weekend, we celebrated our church's 10th Anniversary of being the Summit. It was an incredibly awesome service, focused on God and His glory. Over and over again stories were told of how they needed God to do something, like raise more money to expand their facilities and believe God for more growth, and God did above and beyond what they asked. They needed $60,000 and He gave them $80,000. They had a goal to see 1000 people at the Easter service and He gave them 1122. Over the past 10 years, after that first service when they jumped in faith, they've given almost $8,000,000 to missions for the glory of God! Everyone just repeated over and over that it's in God's character to be faithful, for Him to finish what He started, for Him to do above and beyond what we can imagine(Eph. 3:20, our adoption verse) we just have to ASK!! Our Father wants to give good gifts to His children, He wants to get the glory in our situations, we just have to ASK!!! I felt like it was just being hammered over and over again, that I need to ask. We both left with our hearts full, not only with what God has done/will do in our church, but because God has promised He is faithful, He will finish what he started with this adoption and we need to continue to ask. Our church also has a saying that's part of our Gospel prayer that says "I will measure your compassion by the cross, and your power by the resurrection."This power is available to us each and every day and we need to live that way. My prayer was affirmed even more and we will boldly pray that this year will be the year we see our baby and we would love for you to pray with us if you are reading this. I am so thankful for a Father who still speaks to his people, knows my heart, and knows exactly what I need. To Him be the glory forever......
