Attachment is a Journey

When we started this process almost 4 years ago, we had no idea what attachment or cocooning even meant.  Fast forward to now, and I feel like it's a constant conversation after all we have learned over the almost 4 years.  We knew before we even met Ryah that we would need to do some serious cocooning to help her attach to us.  She was almost 2 years old and her little world had been completely rocked.  We could tell from the pictures we had of her that she would need this time to adjust and bond.  Now, we are almost at 6  months of being home with her and she has done amazing! She has adjusted in most aspects way better than we could have hoped for.  She is a trooper! And she has done so well, that we have gotten a little ahead of ourselves in some of the things we have done with her.  We took some steps to do things that it seemed like she was ready for, when she really wasn't.  It's a hard thing to know, and sometimes you can't know until you do something and then you experience the repercussions of it.  Attachment is a hard thing to explain to people who have never really heard of it or experienced it before(and I was one of those people just a few years ago). If you are reading this and you are one of those people now, I would encourage you to read this post for an excellent explanation of what we are trying to do.  It's probably one of the best I have ever read and she does a much better job of explaining it than I ever could.  Basically, while Ryah may look completely normal on the outside, and people think she handles new situations well, what happens when we get home is the true test of what is going on in her head.  After a new situation involving lots of people we may experience tantrums, rejection, sleeplessness, nightmares, overstimulation, and just fear in general.  All of which we have experienced at some point in the last 6 months.  I go back and forth with how much to share on this blog, because I want to protect her story and her emotions and her adjustment, while at the same time trying to help people understand why we don't want anyone else picking her up or feeding her or changing a diaper( and those would be nice sometimes!) But we have to do what is best for our daughter. She needs as little confusion on who we are right now as possible. We have started to see that she doesn't show her true emotions around people she doesn't know- which in some ways is good, because we know that she does it at home with us and feels comfortable doing that, but in other ways it's not because it doesn't allow people to know how she really feels about a situation and it means she is trying to hide for fear of rejection.  She has had so much to process in her short 2.5 years, and we rocked her again 6 months ago taking her from everything she knew.
         All of this is basically to say, after all of the activity we have had over the last few weeks and situations we probably shouldn't have gone into so soon, we are going back into the cocoon for the summer.  It will be modified- because there are things we know she can handle, but there are also things we know that she just can't right now.  So big group gatherings/parties are out for the summer. This is just what we feel is best for her right now and I truly hope that everyone hears our heart behind this.  We are not at all trying to keep her from people, we know she's awesome and want to share her with everyone, but that's just not good for her right now.  She needs more time to learn that we are mom and dad and we aren't going anywhere, ever.  There isn't really a time limit on attachment, it's a journey we will likely be on for a while. This also doesn't mean that she is not doing well most days and in other areas, because she is. And we feel like we've seen some good progress over the last 2 weeks.  This is just a small explanation of our plans for the summer and to let people know how Ryah is doing.  We are so thankful for the support we have received on this so far.  We know it's hard and not really fun, but it's what is best for Ryah.  Thank you for helping us lay a healthy foundation!

Beach Day!

I am so behind!! Yesterday was 5 months home for Ryah, 5! That means next month will be 6 months and that means she'll have been here for half a year, that is just crazy!!As I've said before, the days are sometimes slow but the months are flying! Anywho, at the beginning of May we took a little trip to the beach for the day, it was Ryah's first time and I couldn't wait to see what she thought of it since we love it so much.  And we love that we are just a short 2.5 hr drive from a beach whenever we want to take a quick trip like this. I had a feeling she would love the beach- and I was right! She ran around pointing and saying "water, water! and "snow"- that is what she calls sand and she refuses to believe be that there is a difference haha! I don't know if it's because she saw snow first or what, but she is determined to call sand, snow, and for now I'm going to let her.  And she LOVED the water and waves, she was fearless! She just kept going further and further out and saying "whoa!" every time a wave hit her.  Even when some hit her in the face she didn't care- she loved it! The water was still pretty cold and we had to drag her out of it when it was time to go even though she was clearly shaking, she didn't want to leave. It was amazing to be able to see her see the ocean for the first time- just an awesome experience! It was a great family day and we can't wait to go back!