I don't know if I have every been so stretched by something as I have been by motherhood so far. Motherhood is hard, it takes so much patience and grace that even this normally very patient person is running out on a daily basis. Add being 33 weeks pregnant to that mix and things get real interesting! We are zeroing in on baby time around here as we anxiously await baby sister's arrival in just a few weeks and I can't help but reflect on motherhood.
As my husband so graciously reminds me, even on days when I just want to curl up in a ball and cry at the end of the day, I am living my dream. And I am. Being given the gift to stay at home with our children is one that I do not take lightly and is one I have wanted for a very long time. I know it is not possible for all families, but I am thankful that my husband makes it a priority for ours. But at the same time- especially during this season of pregnancy, I find myself wanting to pull my hair out and sending SOS texts to my dear husband more times than I care to count. Just being real here. I know we all post the good pictures on Facebook and Instagram- we don't post the pictures of the tantrums that happen just minutes after those "insta-worthy" moments, I am super guilty of this. It makes is so easy to think that no one else is experiencing these non postable moments, but we all do. And all too often I find myself at the end of myself and having these pull your hair out moments because I am depending solely on myself. I don't want my motherhood to be defined by this. I don't want my girls to remember a constantly frazzled mom who is always distracted or upset or out of patience on a regular basis. Sure- I want them to know that I'm human and I make mistakes, a lot of them, but I also want them to see my on my knees finding my strength in our heavenly Father. I recently stumbled upon a download of a book on the Desiring God website, called Mom Enough. It's basically a composition of blog posts written by moms who are wrestling with the same issues we all face. It has already been a huge encouragement to me as I'm in the trenches with an adopted toddler and about to add a newborn to the mix. It has encouraged me to give up more of myself to gain what I can't lose in them and their souls. Every day that I get up and get to be Ryah and soon to be baby sister's mommy is a privilege, and it is not meaningless. Even in the middle of the 5th tantrum of the day and the applesauce spilled all over the floor, and a toddler who has recently found her voice in what she doesn't want to do, there is eternal value in my response to these situations. I can't forget this. This doesn't mean I will mother them perfectly, but every day I have the opportunity to live out the Gospel in my home and I don't want to lose sight of that or take it for granted. These 2 little souls have been entrusted to me, even when I'm tired and at the end of my rope. My Father, who knows and loves me and them more than we could ever imagine, gives more grace. I want my parenting to be dependent on and flow out of that grace daily. He chose me to be their mother, and that is a gift! This post is really more of a reminder for myself, but maybe someone else needed the reminder too. We moms are in this messy, beautiful, journey together!!
